Cardinal Rules of Pumping

Today I found myself in a bind. All because I failed to follow the Cardinal Rules of Pumping, again.

One: Find a comfortable place, make sure you have a book, a TV, a radio, something, you and this space are going to get really familliar as you are going to be spending a lot of time sitting there pumping. Make sure you have something to look at so you don't focus on the milk going into the bottles or that crack running up your wall, the cobwebs in the corner or even the fact that you haven't changed your sheets, when you should have changed them a week ago.

Two: Never turn your pump higher than what your ladies will tolerate, seriously, unless you like purple bruised nipples this will not benefit you. I promise you will not get more milk if you abuse the lovely ladies in fact, they will retaliate and make you aware each time you pump subsequently that you were too gung how the last time.

Three: Establish a routine, always clean your parts in the same manner, keep them where you can find them, set a routine on how you operate your pump and hold your bottles, this all helps and saves time. Plus, it helps make sure you follow rule number four, and most likely one of the most important ones.

Four: NEVER EVER forget parts of your pump. If you open your pump bag and start to pull out your parts, sit down, get ready for the pumping session to only find you have forgotten the damn white membranes again, you will be REALLY mad at yourself. Trust me, I have done this at least 5 times now. I know the Medela crap tells you to take these off and wash them individually but screw that, be realistic, keep them on, this will keep you sane and safe from cursing like a sailor at your pump in front of coworkers. I promise, they will look at you funny.

Five: Don't be too hard on yourself. Being a working mom is hard, none of us are perfect and be proud of any little bit you get while pumping, it is always better than nothing. And when all else fails, and you have to make an emergency run to buy more pump parts, get a yogurt or sorbet or do something for yourself, we all need it and deserve it!